


Goodbye, love

by TeddyRegulus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, slight of smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-11 19:56:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19933633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeddyRegulus/pseuds/TeddyRegulus
Summary: Everything is grey when Remus meets Tonks, and yet, he can't forget Sirius.





	Goodbye, love

Everything is grey around him. Remus only knows the melancholy of losing all your beloveds when he meets Tonks. Her smile has him forgetting just some moments the darting pain of not remembering Lily’s soft hands, her chamomile perfume and her red hair blowing in the wind. Her laugh evokes him James’ one, and his stubborn mind, his barely hidden genius and how he embraced him after each one of his crisis. Her eyes shining of an almost childish hope reminds him of Peter’s shyness, his worries for him while bringing him some chocolate, and his naive spirit which always looked sweet. 

Oh, Remus is so old, old from a life he never wanted, a life full of remorses and of cries lost in the night when he meets Tonks.

Remus is not scared anymore of death, after all he has lived. He has even tried, like a child coming closer to fire, to caress Death from his frail hands, begging her to bring him with her, in a somewhere appearing more loving than life itself. 

But with Tonks, Remus learns how to appreciate life again. He doesn’t laugh - he will never again - but his smiles aren’t broken by the tears. 

But he doesn’t understand. Why Tonks, this young, this bright, this alive, loves him, and just him, who is this old, this faded, this dead. They are so different, but her joy and audacity give him the strength to just wake up in the morning and scream against life, that he is ready to live, and not just survive. That he is ready to be reborn, like flowers blooming after a hard winter. 

So he dares. He dares to love her.

And then, like a storm, he comes back. 

All starts by a simple walk in the streets.

Suddenly, Remus sees him.

Like at seventeen, Remus can’t help himself but noticing him. Him and his long silky dark hair, him and his constant revolt against the world, him who is more shining than the sun itself. 

As a teenager, Remus used to write poems of his first love, comparing him so much of Apollo’s glorious beauty, summer’s warmth and passionate kisses shared under fireworks. 

He hasn’t changed. The same teen rebellious look, the same sneering, and proud smile while Remus had always been ashamed of just being. Remus is so old, has been dead too many times to come back only once or twice when he yet looks the same, charismatic and so fucking gorgeous. He still breaks rules with a cigarette in his mouth and his laugh…His laugh stops when he notices Remus too. 

He is alone, or with somebody, Remus doesn’t know, but he sees his hand in Tonks’s one, who is watching him and doesn’t understand why he has stopped since…He doesn’t know fuck. 

They glance, look, gaze in each other’s eyes, memories flowing. 

Hands stuck and mixed, kisses on the neck lost in the corridors. 

Moans in the bathroom, while he was sliding in him, and oh, that’s so good, to be loved this way. 

His gift for his eighteenth birthday, and his loving eye on him, him assuming who he is in a rageful world. 

His I love you near his ears in the night’s comforting darkness. 

And then…The accident. 

Remus can’t name it another way. The accident, then the after. The disputes, the death, the breakup. The sorrow, the crisis alone, him leaving him forever. 

All is too painful, yet, in front of him, Remus only sees him, he even forgets Tonks his new love, all seems dull when he is here, this present, and his young boy’s former feelings come back and Remus feels so young, him who is so used of being old all the time.

His heart hammers on and rings against his ears but Remus is not scared anymore.

Then, nostalgia returns, and he comes closer. Remus looks at him for the very last time even if it feels like it’s the first. His hand brushes his - oh, that he missed his touch -. His scent bewitches him, but Remus does nothing if it’s letting him go.

And Sirius smiles at him for the last time, before disappearing in the crowd. 

Oh, how sweet is it to be loved.


End file.
